


Desperado

by abeautifullie3



Category: Supernatural RPF, Supernatural RPF-AU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angsty Schmoop, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Safer Sex, Schmoop, Trucker!Jensen/Teen-Runaway!Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 02:39:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5768152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abeautifullie3/pseuds/abeautifullie3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Content living life as a solitary over-the-road trucker, Jensen never could have imagined he’d find something so very important – that he didn’t believe he needed – in an isolated convenience store’s grungy bathroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperado

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Desperado  
>  **Author:** ~Boo aBeautifulLie3  
>  **Categories:** Supernatural Fandom AU-RPF  
>  **Characters/Pairings:** trucker!Jensen/runaway!Jared, brief mentions of Jared/OCs and Jensen/OCs, minor OCs  
>  **Rating:** NC-17  
>  **Word Count:** 9+k  
> 
> 
> **Summary:** Content living life as a solitary over-the-road trucker, Jensen never could have imagined he’d find something so very important – that he didn’t believe he needed – in an isolated convenience store’s grungy bathroom.
> 
> **Warnings ( &/or Enticements):** Underage (Jared is 15), Schmoop, Safe-sex, Brief mentions of::: Homophobia, Homophobic slurs and violence, Child abuse
> 
> **Disclaimer:** The story is mine. Jensen and Jared, not mine. :::pouts:::  
>  To the best of my knowledge, absolutely none of this has happened outside of my vivid imagination. Pity.  
>  No harm is intended by sharing my fantasies.  
>  (Seriously. I would never want to upset Jared or Jensen, and would promptly change the names or take down the story if asked.)  
>  No real-life family members of J2 used in this fic.
> 
> **Additional Notes:** Beta'd by: Me, Myself, and I. Totally blaming I for any and all remaining mistakes. If you spot any feel free to tell Me, and Myself will gratefully see to them.
> 
> _First off, regardless of the fact that I started to write this on March 1st it is totally NOT waaay belated B-Day porn for Jensen. Though, if the man would like me to write him B-Day porn... :::lewd smirk:::_  
>  _I should add, that’s March 1st of 2014. Yeah._  
>  _I’ve been warring with this fic for nearly 2yrs and I’m just...done._  
>  _This began with an urge to write a quick & dirty PWP with J2 as truckers fucking in a gas station bathroom. Then Muse wanted plot. And to take dirty to debauched by making Jared 15. Fine. Then stupid me decided to attempt a different tone with my writing voice. Which, I kind of loved the rhythm I found, but upon returning to the fic (times over) after I’d set it aside, I could never quite find it again._  
>  _I’m not sure how I feel about this story. Guess it’s a bit like me: some good parts, a hefty dose of lasciviousness, struggling to find its rhythm, overall pretty much a wreck yet still hoping to be worthwhile._  
>  _I hope some of you enjoy it._
> 
> _For framedhim. A woman who took the time to see what was beneath the wreckage. I hope she realizes how damn much she brightens my world – and how f’ing honored I am to occasionally be able to do the same for her._  
>  _I love ya, BB!!!_
> 
> _Title from the Eagles song, Desperado. Though I grew up to both versions the Linda Ronstadt cover always stuck with me. (Linda Ronstadt’s Greatest Hits, some rare “twang” in my music collection. I may or may not have occasion to – badly – belt out “Love Is A Rose” in the shower.)_  
>  [Live, 1974, Eagles and Linda Ronstadt](https://youtu.be/NbIUiL3k0hY%20)
> 
> ♥ Comments are very appreciated and highly adored!!! Absolutely ALL con-crit is desired as well! ♥
> 
> Originally Posted To My LJ:::  [Here](http://abeautifullie3.livejournal.com/111423.html)
> 
>  

x~X~x **Desperado** x~X~x

 

 

 

   Jensen turns on his blinker, checks his mirrors then slows down for the exit, turning the wheel to guide the 18-wheeler off the highway. The gas station he pulls up to is nothing fancy – far from it – sitting rundown and isolated along the highway, no other buildings around except for barns and silos. He could've gone on another thirty miles or so, hit a stop with restaurants and motels, but he doesn't really need either. Just needs to take a long piss and grab a cold drink, still has hours to go before he stops for sleep – likely just catching a few winks in the back of the cab.

   He hits the head first, pausing as he opens the door and catches sight of the stall door swinging shut inside the dingy room. Leary – a lot of freaks out on the road, sometimes dangerous – the sight of the urinal against the wall is too welcome a draw and Jensen makes a beeline for it, listening to the rustling inside the stall as he undoes his jeans and relieves himself with a stifled groan of relief.

   Finished, Jensen steps over to the sink, amazed there's a bar of soap there along with a – travel container of shampoo? – and washes his hands. Rinsing the soapy lather, Jensen's head comes up at the sound of the stall opening, eyes catching in the mirror with those of the man – the kid rather, no way he can be out of high school yet – who straightens his shirt nervously as he exits.

   Gazes locked, the air suddenly feels heated, charged, and maybe it's just been too damn long since Jensen's gotten laid but the way the kid's too-long bangs hang down over his eyes – the way he's working his lower lip between his teeth with fear, uncertainty, and maybe a hint of attraction – has Jensen suddenly needing to adjust himself. Straightening up he turns off the water and grabs a few cheap and rough paper towels to dry his hands as he turns around. Eyes meeting the kid's straight on, he throws the wadded up paper towels into the trash bin without looking before blatantly moving a hand to shift his growing bulge.

   The kid's gaze shifts sideways, lower lip still taking the brunt of his emotions until he suddenly speaks, "Twenty and I'll blow you."

   Jensen goes for his wallet without a second’s hesitation, pulls out a twenty, folds it over and holds it out. The money is quickly swiped away and shoved into a back pocket, like the kid's afraid Jensen will change his mind. Not much chance of that, he's already got his belt unbuckled and jeans undone.

   Overstuffed backpack set on the floor, the kid steps forward and drops to his knees, only hesitates a moment before his hand's coming up to replace Jensen's – long, thin fingers wrapping around him. Feels good, so damn good, someone else's hand on him. Not as good as the kid's mouth though, barely a few strokes and he's taking the head of Jensen's cock between his lips – hazel eyes looking up at Jensen through a damp curtain of shaggy brown bangs as he swallows him down...and fuck if that broken innocence isn't one of the hottest things ever.

   Hips slowly rocking forward, Jensen feeds the kid his cock, inch upon inch until the head's nestled down as far as he can go – the teen's young throat opening for him like it was made for this.

   Jensen's fingers dig down to the scalp along the back of the kid's head, clutching and pulling at the strands of hair as he fucks his mouth – the kid just taking it as he snakes a hand into his own jeans. Realizing he's getting off on this too – feeling the vibration of the kid's moan around his cock, the way the teen seizes then trembles – it's over too soon, Jensen spilling down the kid's throat with a broken cry.

   The kid's grabbing his pack and out the door before Jensen's even begun to come down from his high. Not that Jensen's not used to 'wham-bam-thank you, man', it's still kind of a mood killer. Well, as much of a 'mood' as you can have getting head from a stranger in a dirty men's room.

   Tucking himself in and doing up his jeans, Jensen leans back against the sink with a sigh. Hands running through his hair, he finally turns, avoids looking at himself in the mirror as he splashes cold water on his face and quickly dries his hands.

**x~X~x**

   Jensen spots the kid walking across the parking lot as he heads inside the small convenience store. All he can think about is hunched shoulders and the defeated gait of coltish legs as he fills up a 32-ounce cup with ice and sugary, liquid caffeine.

   He's not a saint, doesn't pretend to be. But it's not like he doesn't have a conscience, just happens to be good at ignoring it at will. Letting the kid suck his cock: ignored. Leaving him there, alone, likely with only the twenty Jensen gave him to his name, just waiting for someone else with NO conscience to prey on all of his vulnerabilities – a tired, hungry, near broke kid with seemingly no place to go... Jensen pays for his soda and honey roasted peanuts, nods to the bored clerk, and pushes open the glass door. The ancient bell tinkles with his exit, Jensen's feet leading him the opposite direction of his rig to where the kid's sitting on a pile of logs – probably some unfortunate trucker's lost load.

   "Know where you're heading?" he asks, coming off casual as he looks aimlessly out at the night sky and pockets his change.

   "Not really. Anywhere that's not Nebraska I guess." Jensen can feel the kid's eyes on him with the reply, still he avoids shifting his gaze, feigning curious yet indifferent.

   "No family or friends you can go to?"

   "I'm fifteen, not like any of my friends have a place I can crash at." Jensen flinches at that. The kid's age. Not like he didn't know he was young, but _fifteen_...fuck. "And the rest of my family's like my parents – or worse. Not that I know what's much worse than being told you're gonna burn in hell while being thrown out onto the front lawn."

   Jensen's eyes are definitely locked on him now. "Shit, kid, what the hell?"

   The kid shrugs, turns his own eyes away, down to huge sneakered feet shuffling in the dirt. "They came home from bowling night early. Caught me with my best-friend's dick up my ass. Evan took off while my dad was screaming about refusing to have a fag for a son. Was probably half-way home by the time Dad grabbed my belt off the floor and started beating me with it while I tried to get my clothes on."

   "And your mom?" Jensen startles a little at the sound of his own voice.

   "Just stood there watching, crying, saying how sick and evil I was – how her baby boy was damned for eternity."

   "I'm going to Fresno."

   The kid looks up at him, startled and confused. " _What_?" Yeah, Jensen doesn't know either.

   "That's my rig over there," Jensen nods over to the only semi in the lot – the only vehicle period, "and I'm taking my load to California. You're welcome to ride along while you think about what you want to do, or where you want to go, whatever, just... 'm not the greatest company, but, I've got sandwiches in a cooler, a warm bunk to sleep in, and I won't try to, to...well." Jensen finally stops himself, isn't quite sure where it all came from in the first place. He rubs at the back of his neck, nervous under the scrutiny of the fifteen-year-old runaway who just blew him in a filthy gas station bathroom – and so much for his pleasantly uncomplicated and mundane life.

 

x~X~x ~ **J &J**~ x~X~x

 

   By thirty miles in, one foot-long club and a bag of chips has been demolished by a very hungry teenager, and Jensen knows that the kid – Jared – hales from small-town Nebraska suburbia, is a straight-A student, loves animals and 80's music, has a little sister named Tina, hates asparagus, and has known he was gay since he was nine.

   Jensen listens attentively as Jared tells him how he’d backtracked around to his own back yard after being thrown out of his home like trash. Hid out in the treehouse him, his dad, and his best-friend (yes, _that_ best-friend) built years ago, trying to figure out what he was going to do. The kid chokes up as he rambles on about how his sister – three years younger than him – had crept out of the house in the middle of the night to join him, hugging him tight as she cried that she didn't want her big brother to leave. She'd just happened to see him sneaking into the treehouse from out her bedroom window, then waited until their parents were for sure asleep before gathering clothes; toiletries; Jared's wallet, cell phone, laptop, and his Kindle (kid's an avid reader, a trait Jensen will later find himself divulging that they share); and all the money from her piggy bank.

   When Jensen cuts the kid a look at that, Jared huffs out a fond laugh and shrugs, says his sister's got a weird addiction to LifeTime movies. Jensen immediately gets the irony in the tragedy of the situation, thinks with the way Jared's suddenly shaking his head that he does too.

   One-hundred miles in, and Jensen's not sure what magic Jared's worked on him to get him to open up. Not that there's all that much to tell. He's been an over-the-road trucker for six years, since he got his license when he was twenty-two. It's pretty much his life. Jensen's a loner, prefers it that way. Even in his time off the road it's only an old Tom cat he goes home to – home being a small one-bedroom apartment in a mediocre complex in no-name Wisconsin. He doesn't keep in touch with his family, has no desire to make friends, wouldn't last five minutes in a relationship, and the person he probably talks to the most – besides his boss at work – is the little neighbor girl who takes care of his cat while he's gone. Jensen knows her name is Mindy, he thinks maybe she's twelve.

**x~X~x**

   It's nearly ten when Jared can't stop yawning and Jensen urges the kid up into the bunker. A little after midnight Jensen pulls off at a truck stop and parks in the outskirts of the lot to join him.

   With the mild weather Jensen can forgo a motel, only wants a couple of hours shuteye anyway. Still, there's enough of a chill where the extra heat of the slender body he's situating alongside will be welcome.

   Jared stirs as Jensen presses up behind him in the cramped confines of the sleeper – not much spare wiggle room for Jensen alone. "Thought...thought you weren't gonna..." the kid mumbles, apprehension cutting through his sleepy slur.

   "Shh, not. Just need some sleep." All he gets is a nod in response, Jared stiff in his arms for a few awkward moments until the kid realizes the hand Jensen has draped casually – comfortably – over his stomach isn't going to go wandering under his t-shirt – or down his jeans. With a heavy sigh the body he's wrapped around finally relaxes, breaths evening out as the kid falls back into sleep. Jensen easily follows him.

 

x~X~x ~ **J &J**~ x~X~x

 

   Jensen waking up with an erection isn't so much the problem as the firm, little ass grinding back against it is. He thinks the kid's asleep – having some extra-happy dream about his high school boyfriend maybe – until he shifts to move, Jared's words freezing his brain while his hips thrust forward of their own volition.

   "Want it, Jensen. Please."

   "Fuck, kid." Not three hours ago he was worried Jensen was trying to molest him and now... Prying himself from the warm nest they've made in the bunk – away from the sweet rhythmic friction against his cock – is still an option. So is questioning the kid, at the very least making him explain his change of tune. But reaching around and undoing the kid's jeans is an option too. Yeah, Jensen's definitely no saint. Slipping a hand beneath the band of his briefs, he finds Jared already hard for him – burst of pre-cum slicking Jensen's palm as he slides it down over velvet-smooth flesh.

   Jared moans at the touch, seems to be certain of what he wants as he squirms and wiggles to free himself of his jeans and briefs, then reaches a hand back to fumble with the fastening of Jensen's jeans.

   Jensen ducks down to mouth at the nape of the kid's neck, fist wrapped around his young, responsive cock as he strokes him slowly – Jared doing his best to reciprocate despite the awkward angle. It's enough though, not even necessary really, Jensen could pound proverbial nails with how hard he is.

   Grinding a thumb against Jared's slit – the kid releasing a high-pitched keening sound he could easily become addicted to – Jensen's free hand coaxes the teen's head around so he can reach his lips. He can seldom be bothered with kissing, doesn't care for the odd intimacy of it if he's honest. This time Jensen wants it, needs it even, and fuck if the kid doesn't kiss him back like he's starving for it too. It's deep, and dirty, Jensen plundering Jared's mouth like he's staking a claim.

   When they break apart Jared's gasping for air, though it doesn't keep him from stammering desperately, "Fuck...fuck me, Jensen. Now. Ne...need you inside me."

   "Shh. Easy, kid," there's no real thought to it, Jensen's fingers unwrapping from the teen's cock to brush down the side of his ribs and hip with soothing strokes, "we're gettin' there."

   Jensen doesn't do tender. Isn't sure why it seems to be coming out of him naturally with Jared – why he can't seem to stop himself from pressing gentle little kisses along the kid's shoulder. Maybe it's his age, his vulnerability. Or maybe it's just that fresh hurt and brokenness radiating off of the kid no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

   Jared rolls his hips back, firm bared ass snug against the heated flesh of Jensen's cock, and nearly all rational thought is gone with the reminder of what's willingly being offered to him. If Jensen were a better man he'd, he'd...but he's not, dammit!

   He digs into his pocket for the ever present condom and lube. Been far too long since he's had need for them. An exceptionally long dry spell from his usual stream of steady hook-ups, Jensen on the receiving end of a fellow trucker, the occasional highway patrolman – random travelers. Some he "knows". Recognized faces and names that are a guaranteed fuck if the timing's right and they cross paths. Mostly, though, it's no names, faces he'll never see again. Men caught surprised – and "unprepared" – by their arousal at the way Jensen catches their eyes. Jensen knows his looks draw attention, that there's power behind a simple flick of his tongue over his full lips, or the way he casts the gaze of mesmerizing hazel-green from beneath lashes most women would sell a kidney for. And maybe he even gets off on it a little...or a lot. Tempting straight guys who'll go home to their wives or girlfriends after they've fucked him – pounding him hard and brutal, like they're trying to prove their hetero-masculinity in spite of their cocks driving balls-deep into another man's ass. Yeah, Jensen definitely likes it that way.

   Can't deny he likes this too though, draping the kid's leg back over his hip to allow easier access for his spit-slick fingers. Jared tucked against his chest and whimpering, Jensen barely teasing at the rim before his index finger is buried inside the kid's ass.

   Jared doesn't hold back a small yelp at the breach and it only makes Jensen groan louder, cock twitching as he thinks about what sounds he'll pull from the kid when he forces himself inside. He's got at least one more finger to go before that, maybe two, needs to focus on-

   "Another, Jensen, give me another."

   "Jare-"

   "I can take it. Ready."

   Jensen goes for it, working his middle finger in along side the other as Jared bites back a cry and hisses. He knows it's gotta burn, mostly dried saliva not enough to make his second blunt finger anywhere near comfortable. Spotting the two small tubes of lubricant he'd placed right handy in front of them, Jensen feels a little stupid for having settled for spit – but heat of the moment and all that. Nuzzling along the shell of the kid's ear, Jensen whispers, "Open the lube."

   Jared nods, grabs one of the tubes and rips it open with shaky hands, whimpering as Jensen's fingers slide out from his hole.

   Two fingers offered up, the cool slick is squeezed out, Jensen rubbing and warming it with his thumb before he reaches back down behind Jared's balls and pushes inside – the kid's head dropping back against his shoulder and mouth falling open. "Better?" Jensen asks, like he doesn't already know the answer, a smug smile pressed against Jared's temple.

   "Fuck _yes_." Jared's "yes" drags out like he's drunk on Jensen's fingers in his ass.

   Twisting and driving in to the third knuckle, the kid feels so damn good just around his fingers Jensen doesn't think he can possibly bear the wait of giving him another. Still, he forces himself to, working in that third digit as Jared pants out ragged breaths against his jaw.

   It's not even a minute and Jared's begging, "Please, please, Jensen, do it!" as he reaches around and clutches at the back of Jensen's neck – Jensen not hesitating to crush his lips against the kid's, swallowing the moans right out of Jared's mouth while he eases his fingers out and grabs for the condom.

   Tearing open the wrapper and rolling the latex down his straining cock, Jensen kisses a trail over to the kid's ear. "Tell me, Jared, tell me what you want me to do." Of course he knows, obviously, even if not for the kid already having verbally begged for it. Still he's overwhelmed with a fierce need to hear it again.

   Tip of his cock nudging at Jared's rim, Jensen pushes in as the words, "Fuck me, Jensen!" spill over the kid's lips.

   Jared's ensuing cry too much pain instead of pleasure, Jensen holds his hips steady from where he's bottomed out – every inch buried in that one long thrust. He's been here before, with other men, splitting open a few literal tight asses during the rare times he's topped. Not once did he care about their discomfort, only ever finding himself indifferent or annoyed. Jared though – this damn kid – Jensen's hand is brushing back his sweaty bangs as he whispers nonsense between kisses to his temple and that baby-soft skin behind his ear.

   Jensen doesn't even _think_ about moving a muscle below his waist until Jared mutters, "'m okay, just...so much bigger than Evan." on a deep exhale.

   The urge to chuckle at the disclosure is too great, though Jensen's amusement doesn't change the fact that he'd sooner will himself soft and ease out of the kid's ass than hurt him again. "You sure?"

   "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."

   "Jared, we can stop if you need-"

   "No! Please. Want this, want...you, just..."

   "Go easy?"

   Jared cranes his neck around to look straight into Jensen's eyes, lower lip caught between his teeth as he nods. But it's hazel eyes betraying all of the hidden hurt and fear that maybe he really is evil and bad – not worthy of anyone's care and love – that captures Jensen's attention. The kid's staring at him like he can make all that agonizing despair go away, and fuck if Jensen doesn't want to try.

   Stroking his thumb over Jared's cheek, Jensen leans in and kisses him softly – _tenderly_ – before pulling back and gazing once more into his eyes. "I've got ya, kid."

   The first roll of his hips is tentative, Jensen barely pulling halfway out and mindful of the slide back in. He does the same again, the third time drawing back so only the tip is encircled by the taut grip of Jared's rim before he rocks in just shy of bottoming out.

   With the kid arching back into the motion as he moans, Jensen figures they're good to go, but asks to be certain, "Good?"

   Brown mop of hair bouncing wildly with his enthusiastic nod, Jared wiggles his ass back until it's snug against Jensen's pelvis. "Don't ever stop."

   Jensen chuckles, hips answering the call of Jared's wiggle with an easy circling that nestles his cock even deeper inside the space he doesn't ever want to leave either. "Sorry, kid, don't think I've got that kind of stamina. Probably got a ten minute ride before I blow. Fifteen tops."

   Jared laughs, the vibration hitting Jensen's cock – and his heart. "At least tell me we can do it again?"

   There's no question about Jensen having every intention of doing it again. "We'll see."

   Head turned to face him, the kid's eyes focus intently on Jensen's lips as he licks his own. Taking it as the request it is, Jensen kisses him, light presses and teasing nips before delving his tongue inside the kid's mouth – Jared's tongue eagerly meeting and tangling with his as he reaches back and clutches at Jensen's ass.

   Even with the encouragement he keeps his thrusts slow and gentle, and it's easily one of the hardest things Jensen's ever done. Harder than not moving had even been because now that he knows what it feels like fucking into Jared... Jensen would give up bottoming for this. Nothing, _EVER_ , has felt this damn good. Still, he knows letting go of his restraint and pounding into the kid would be better. He won't do it though, can't. Full and leaking cock aside, Jared's body is lax – pliant as Jensen shifts him slightly to better the angle. The kid whimpers with each outward drag of his cock, a sweet little gasp from him on the thrusts back in. He's completely blissed-out and nothing is worth risking the loss of that pleasure – not even Jensen furthering his own.

   Either way he's close, lucky if he'll reach the ten minute mark he promised the kid. Reaching down he's met with a high-pitched whine as he wraps his fingers around Jared's cock.

   "Je...Jensen!"

   "Gonna make you cum for me, Jared."

   "Oh fuck, oh fuck!"

   "Yeah, that's it, kid. So damn hot, so good for me."

   Jensen's strokes are firm and sure – root to tip, twist of the wrist when he gets to the top – and Jared's practically sobbing, "Too good, Jensen, too good. Gonna...gonna..."

   Jared goes rigid before he cries out, white ropes streaking his stomach and coating the fist around him while the rhythmic clench of his ass sends Jensen careening over the edge on a long, guttural moan.

   The kid was right: it's good, too damn good. Only thing better would be spilling himself into Jared instead of the condom – marking him. The thought has Jensen's cock pulsing out one last burst of cum, his forehead resting against the sweaty nape of Jared's neck as he tries to catch his breath.

   When he finally eases out of the kid's ass, Jensen barely has the condom tied off before his arms are full of sweaty teenage boy – gangly limbs clinging around Jensen's chest and flushed face buried between his pecs.

   Rubbing Jared's back – fingers slowly tracing over every dip and crest of his spine – Jensen kisses the top of his head. "You okay?

   Jared doesn't lift his head, simply mumbles against Jensen's warm skin, "Mm-hmm."

   "Need to talk?" All he gets is a shake of the kid's head at that, adorably-sloped nose rubbing over Jensen's right nipple. "Just sleep then, alright? We'll get up in a couple hours and go grab some breakfast before I have to get back on the road. Sound good?"

   Nodding, Jared snuggles into him closer and Jensen can't help but smile.

 

x~X~x ~ **J &J**~ x~X~x

 

   They both order the 'Hungry Trucker' breakfast special, splitting an extra order of pancakes and bacon between them. Jensen also drinks about an entire pot of coffee, which he'll regret during the extra pit-stops later.

   Jared rambles on about his model collection: planes, ships, cars – anything really. When he was a kid – well, a little kid – it was LEGO bricks, his love of building things continuing on as he got older. Jensen can tell he's feeling the loss of what he's had to leave behind – and not just the models.

   Deciding the lost dimpled smile should never be off of Jared's face, Jensen is willing to do nearly anything to put it and keep it there – which includes sharing stupid and trivial stories of his own childhood, some that were funny back then, some he can only laugh about now. None of it's important really, stuff he hasn't thought about in years. Things he's never shared with anyone.

**x~X~x**

   They're almost through New Mexico – Jared reading on his Kindle, Jensen singing along softly to the local country station – when Jensen can feel the kid's eyes boring into him.

   "Jensen, can I, uh, ask you a question?"

   He shifts a little in his seat, gets the feeling this won't be something he's comfortable with. "Can always ask, just can't guarantee I'll for sure answer."

   "Does...does your family know you're gay?"

   Jensen shoots the kid a side-eyed glance. "What makes you think I'm gay?"

   Jared balks, eyes gone huge and mouth gaping wide before he starts tripping over his words. "I just, I thought...oh fuck. Figured...shouldn't of...'m sor-"

   "Easy, kid, I'm just messin' with ya. Though, guess if you want to get technical about it, I'm bi. Fucked a few girls when I was your age, mostly because I thought it would make things easier. Been with a few more over the years – those because I wanted to. Not often a woman will catch my eye that way, but when they do..." Jensen trails off, shrug of his shoulders reflecting the casualness he feels on the matter.

   "I think Evan's bi," Jared offers in response. "Never really talked about it, not exactly. He got a girlfriend middle of last semester, told me he liked making out with her and all but then when we'd hang out he still wanted to...you know."

   "Yeah, I hear ya. He's still young, could be trying to figure out what he wants." Pausing, Jensen casts a glance over to where the kid's working his lower lip between his teeth. Not even twenty-four hours spent with him and Jensen knows it's his nervous-anxious-deep in thought tell. "So what about you? Any thoughts of giving girls a shot?"

   He wonders if Jared's aware of the face he's pulling, the way the kid's got his nose all scrunched up making Jensen grin.

   "I made out with Krissy Alden at her birthday party last year. Did close to everything but fuck her and it just felt...weird. She seemed to like it, but..."

   Jensen offers up the words when Jared doesn't deliver them, "You didn't."

   "Pretty much. I mean, I came when she blew me, but I had to close my eyes and pretend it was Colton Haynes."

   Beyond Jensen's amused snort, the conversation drifts into a brief lull. Jensen's never talked about this, ever. Refuses to give up any of his time in the present to memories of a past he left behind the day he turned eighteen.

   From his peripheral Jensen sees the nervous glances Jared keeps shooting him, Jensen's fingers gripping and releasing around the steering wheel. Right about the time Jared's shifting in his seat against the growing awkwardness, Jensen clears his throat.

   "My folks, they, uh, thought it was a choice. Tried talking to my mom when I was fourteen. Never seen her so disappointed in me so when she told me it would be a bad decision, one I should rethink. So that's what I did. Or, well, tried to, ya know? Wouldn't let myself think about... Started flirting back with the girls, dated them...fucked 'em. Spent nearly three years of my life twisted up inside, all the lies and pretending.  
   "Junior year, decided making the other ' _choice_ ' had to be better than what I was doing. Mom and Dad, neither even argued it when I told 'em, just again with the disappointment – reminding me it was a choice. So when the bullying started at school, when I came home with a bloody nose and split lip, those were consequences of my decision that I was supposed to accept. When my kid brother bitched about the football team giving him grief over having a fag brother – I had to apologize to him. When the house got toilet papered and the mailbox bashed in – I had to clean it up and pay for the damage."

   "Fuck, Jensen."

   "Don't. Okay, just... Was still better than pretending to be someone I wasn't, and nothing like what your parents did."

   "Was just as bad," Jared mumbles.

   "Yeah, well, it's over. I survived and...so will you."

 

x~X~x ~ **J &J**~ x~X~x

 

   Just shy of the state line into Cali, Jensen stops for the night and rents them a room in Arizona. It's not one of his regular motels, doesn't need raised eyebrows from familiar faces, but he's heard it's clean – the beds comfortable – despite the rundown outward appearance. Officially the stop is to get in his mandatory break from driving, unofficially he wants this one night with the kid. Get them both cleaned up, fed, then spread out that young body on a huge bed and go over every blessed inch of it before he has to give it up.

   Jared lights up over the hot tub. "Can we? With bubbles?"

   "Knock yourself out, kid. I'll join you in a bit, gotta take care of some work stuff first." Jensen closes himself off in the bedroom, leaving Jared stripping off his t-shirt and turning on the water.

   Ten minutes on his laptop and Jensen has the information he needs. Listening to Jared happily sing off-key to some Top-Ten pop song, Jensen lets his mind wander to " _what if_?" – how he could possibly make it work – and then he sighs. Jensen makes the call.

**x~X~x**

   By the time Jensen joins Jared in the other room – arrangements made and driving stats logged – the kid is buried to his nose in fruity smelling bubbles. Jensen doesn't even need the giggly invite, promise of wet and slippery bared skin beneath the mounds of white enough to have him eagerly shucking his own clothes and climbing in.

   Jensen's all smooth cockiness, lewd smirk contorting his handsome features into a look that's pure sex as he gracefully sinks below the bubbles and into the water. Arms casually draped along the edge of the tub where he’s settled across from Jared, Jensen lets his eyelids slowly close as he tilts his head back.

   He's wondering if he'll have to make a move on the kid when he feels it, the light, fluffy weight and tiny, prickling pops of bubbles all over his face. Swiping them away, Jensen opens his eyes to a grinning Jared, eyebrow arched and lips puckering as he prepares to launch another handful of suds with a lungful of air.

   "Oh, so that's how it is, huh?" Jensen asks, the kid flashing a huge dimpled smile as he nods...then blows – and Jensen's shoving off the edge of the tub, propelling himself through warm water and perfumed suds, and the kid's shrieking as Jensen grapples with slippery, writhing, teenage boy.

   They goof off and make out like the teenagers- Like the teenager _Jared_ is. Jensen has never been this carefree when it comes to sex, ever. Not even when he was the kid's age. Hasn't felt the exhilaration of unrestrained fun thrumming through his veins and lighting his emotions since he was younger still.

   It's wrestling and kissing, and letting the kid make stupid sudsy hair sculptures in his hair – Jensen inevitably shrugging and trying out a few of his own with Jared's longer chestnut waves. It's tonguing young nipples to hardened peaks and relishing shocked gasps of pleasure, Jensen working down to suck a mark along the jut of the kid's slender hipbone – Jared keening and crying out while standing hunched over him. And it's also the kid blowing Jensen's fucking mind when he dives down between his legs – lips stretched around his swelling cock, water churning with the up and down bob of Jared's head as he see's how long he can hold his breath.

   He makes it four minutes.

   Rough hands grasping at smooth, slick skin, Jensen manhandles Jared onto his lap, the kid's lanky legs wrapping around his waist. Once he's caught his breath, Jensen pulls him in hard and kisses him until Jared's practically drunk on it – hazel eyes heavy lidded and lips smacking as he pulls back and sighs.

   "Mmm, tha's nice." Lazy slur of his words, the kid's fingertips are beginning to prune-up as they scritch upwards into damp hair at the nape of Jensen’s neck.

   Jensen smiles, loves how lax and content Jared is on his lap – that he made him that way. "Hmm, yeah? Like that, huh? What else would you like me to do to you?"

  Just like that the kid’s alert and peering into his eyes. Something about his words, maybe the tone, spurring him to wordless searching. Breath held, Jensen can see curious turn to heated in a matter of rising heartbeats.

   Jared languidly rises out of the water and Jensen watches, captivated, slender frame stretching up until the kid's standing, hovering, naked and dripping as his flushed cock begins to strain upward against his abdomen.

   Grabbing at a stack of rough bleached-white towels, Jared wraps one around his waist before stepping out of the tub. Shooting a look over his shoulder, he finally answers Jensen's question, "Anything you want."

   It doesn't take Jensen any thought, any time, to launch himself out of the lukewarm water and dissipating bubbles. He catches a flash of dimples, hears the yelp before the kid bolts, but they both know there's nowhere for him to go – that he wouldn't really want to if there was. It's a sorry game of chase in the minimal confines of their motel room, but the peal of laughter Jensen gets out of Jared when he hefts the teen's easy weight over his shoulder makes it worth it all the same.

   Jensen flings him onto the bed, lithe body bouncing against the mattress and once he's settled all Jensen can do is stare. Towel gone and eyes raking over Jared's glistening form, Jensen's words are spoken with a hushed reverence, "Damn, kid, look at you."

   The subtle flush coloring Jared's cheeks and chest ignites, crimson fanning out along his flesh as his eyes duck away from the intensity of Jensen's gaze.

   "Gonna be big, you know that? Taller than me even. And strong." Jensen climbs onto the bed, body hovering over Jared's as he reaches out, lets his fingertips trail the same path as his heavy gaze over slight biceps and barely there pecs and abs. "Smart too, that mind of yours. Gonna do anything you want, be anyone you want to be."

   "Jensen," barely a whisper, broken like it's too much to hear – to believe.

   "Shh." Jensen presses a finger to the kid's lips. "You're gonna be amazing, Jared." Dragging his finger away, Jensen crashes their lips together, takes advantage of Jared's gasp and plunges his tongue inside the kid's mouth.

   Blunt nails digging in, Jared's gonna leave marks – red trails up and down Jensen's broad back, crescent indentations along his freckled shoulders. The kid's hands are everywhere as he rocks his hips up to Jensen's, erections sliding together through the slick of mingled pre-cum. He's been all moans, sweet little whimpers, until he finally pulls back, whispers on a panted breath, "Want you, Jensen. Want you so bad."

   Rising up and resting on an elbow, Jensen gazes down, brushing back sweaty bangs from the face beneath him. "Fuck, kid, the things you do to me." The words are a confession, and how the hell some damned teenager got behind walls Jensen can't ever remember not being there – ever present and impenetrable, shoring up everything inside... But Jared's there. Every dimpled smile that's lit Jensen up from the inside, each boisterous carefree laugh. The stories the kid's told, personal things shared, open and wanting to trust – connect. All of it, pieces of Jared taking root and twining their way through Jensen's heart. And he knows the pain is coming, the keen sense of loss right around the bend, yet he wouldn't give this up for anything. "You've got me, Jared."

   In one moment, Jared's wrapping himself around Jensen, arms and legs binding him as he clings to the promise. In the next he's starfished beneath the man, limbs stretching out on a contented sigh, body given up as an offering to be taken.

   And Jensen takes.

   The tip of his tongue playing over the mole to the left of the kid's nose, to sucking the crooked little toe of Jared's right foot between his lips, not a nook or cranny goes unexplored, Jensen worshiping every inch of the youthful body offered up to him.

   He ends up with Jared belly down against the cheap motel bedspread, hips canted back and legs splayed wide, Jensen defying the laws of physics – and anatomy – with how far he's got his tongue up the kid's ass.

   The room is alive with the sounds of pleasured sobs and lewd slurping, a broken cry and bitten off curse echoing off the walls when Jensen works his index fingers in alongside his tongue. Doesn't take long before words of pleading and promise create a chorus, Jared begging for Jensen to fuck him and the man assuring the kid they're getting there.

   A thick and aching instigator between his legs, Jensen's cock is quickly becoming more demanding than the kid he's prepping – both of them doing their best to convince him Jared is ready. Fingers eased out and one final swipe of his tongue, Jensen gets to his knees and blindly reaches for the lube and a condom from the bedside table – eyes intent on searing the vision of Jared's long, lean body into his memory.

   Wiggling his ass, Jared whines, "Come on, Jensen!" and it earns him a playful smack across the pert globe of his right cheek. Head whipping around to look behind him with an indignant, "Hey!" he sticks his tongue out at the smirk that greets him.

   Fingers lubed, Jensen thrusts them between the cheeks of the kid's ass and up inside him, knows he's worked open enough to easily take it despite the startled yelp. Chuckling, Jensen twists in deep as he leans forward and nuzzles along the shell of Jared's ear. "Turn over. Want to see you when I slide up inside of you, want to look into your eyes while you take it."

   "Fuck," Jared breathes out, fingers sliding free from him as he rolls over underneath the close press of Jensen's body.

   Jensen's eyes flit over the kid's face as it comes into view, drinking in every feature and cataloging it to memory. A smile tugs at his lips as he focuses on Jared's left cheek, reddened and spattered with random indents from pressing against the bedspread. Thumb soothing over the temporarily marred flesh, Jensen ghosts his lips across Jared's, going easily when the kid tugs him closer.

   It doesn't take much for the kiss to turn heated, tongues warring as Jensen shifts and settles between Jared's spread thighs. Teeth clanking, he fumbles around for the condom, chuckling into the kid's mouth while he reaches between them and struggles to roll it on.

   Teasing the head of his latex-sheathed cock against Jared's entrance, Jensen mourns the imagined loss of sensation – what it would feel like, his slit catching and opening on a furled ridge of the kid's rim – and again wishes he could take him bare.

   The slightest bit of pressure, just the tip seeking to nestle inside, and Jared gasps, still growing legs that already account for most of his height hitching up to wrap around Jensen's hips. "Please, Jensen."

   Watching the kid's teeth sink into his lower lip, Jensen can't deny him – either of the them – a moment longer. "Look at me, Jared. Look at me." He does, and Jensen's heart lurches into his throat, his own eyes peering into a kaleidoscope of color displaying nothing but desire and open trust. He can't – he _won't_ – name what else he sees there, recognizes it as a reflection of his own fledgling feelings.

   Jensen holds the connection, tight as if he could clutch it in his fist, and rolls his hips forward. Bitten down nails digging into the meat of his biceps when he’s met with resistance, he pauses. “Breathe, baby.”

   The kid does, nodding in a determined contrast to his slight grimace as he bares down.

   Gingerly pushing forward, hazel eyes blow wide with the breach of the wanted intrusion, Jensen following the wild skitter before he catches and holds the kid’s gaze again as he bottoms out.

   It's a long moan as Jensen stills, face falling into the crook of the kid's neck as he mouths at salty skin. "Oh fuck, Jared, fuck." He only allows himself a moment like that, just to catch his breath, then he's rising up, elbows braced against the bed and hands framing the kid's face. Finding a dopey, dimpled grin he doesn't need to ask but does anyway, "You okay?"

   Teeth sunk in smiling lips, Jared bobs his head. "Mmm, m'hmm."

   Cocky smirk overtaking his own features, Jensen chuckles as he gyrates his hips, burrowing his cock as deep as he can into the kid's ass and relishing the resulting broken gasps and drawn out moans.

   There’s no hurry. Check-out is hours away and Jensen’s good with six solid of sleep. He has plans for the remaining hours, namely seeing how many times he can make Jared cum.

**x~X~x**

   The kid passes out on five. Straddling Jensen’s lap back-to-chest on the tacky plaid chair in the corner – riding him like he’s destined for first place in Saratoga – he cums practically dry before going lax against Jensen’s chest.

   Jensen can’t help but chuckle, smoothing back sweaty locks and pressing his lips to a damp temple as he eases out of the kid’s body. Floppy willow limbs arranged in his arms, Jensen barely feels the slightest burn in his thighs when he stands, the teen’s easy weight cradled and carried across the room.

   Jared rouses when Jensen gently places him on the bed, the slurred, “Think you broke me.” mumbled against his neck where it heats and vibrates against sweat slick skin.

   “Nah, you’re young,” Jensen offers, shifting the kid easily as he drags off the soiled bedspread, climbs onto the mattress, and tucks them both under clean sheets.

   One-hundred-ish pounds of sated, sleeping teenager flops over and nestles in against him, seeking out the warmth, affection, and comfort he instinctively knows Jensen’s body will offer up. Jensen doesn’t disappoint, tucks the kid in closer beside him as he places a series of kisses along his brow and temple. He stops himself just shy of whispering words which, even if unheard, can’t be taken back.

   Jensen’s fairly certain Jared hears them all the same.

 

x~X~x ~ **J &J**~ x~X~x

 

   They barely make check-out, waking up late and grabbing a quick shower – Jensen's mouth on the kid's as he lines up their morning erections, gets his fist around the combined girth well enough to stroke them to a swift release.

   Hair still damp and belongings stowed in the truck, they make their way across the dusty lot to a greasy spoon that appears as if nothing's been updated since the '70's. Their waitress looks to have been working there since then as well, but she's nice enough, bouffant hair and kind grey eyes. She brings Jensen coffee – milk for the kid – straight off before they've barely slid into a booth, promises the breakfast special is their best bet with a smiling wink and the smack of chewing gum.

   The both of them are well rested, clean, sated, and stuffed when Jensen gets them back onto the highway. He doesn't think about the destination. Not his final one where he'll be dropping his haul, but the one before...the one where he'll be leaving behind something far more precious.

 

x~X~x ~ **J &J**~ x~X~x

 

   Jensen's lucky to find a place to park his rig outside the huge four-story brick building. It's old, but in good repair, maybe a hospital in its original late-1800's incarnation. Jared's rambling inevitably comes to a halt when he spots the out-of-place modern banner running along the red brick, head whipping around to gape open mouthed at Jensen, hazel eyes reflecting shock and betrayal.

   "Let's just go in, alright? See what they have to say."

   Mouth closing to a severe white line of pressed lips, Jared wordlessly swipes harshly at his eyes and turns to gather his belongings.

**x~X~x**

   The building is nice inside, bright and welcoming and fitting for a youth outreach center. The intake worker's pretty – smooth ebony skin and a cascade of tight, dark curls framing her face. She keeps a kind and understanding smile in place, takes them through and shows them around as she explains the process of admittance along with details on many of the programs they offer.

   Jared doesn't utter a word, sticks to nods and shakes of his head when addressed. The longer his silence goes on the more twisted up Jensen feels inside. Wants to say he's made a mistake and grab Jared and run. Knows it's too late for that though, same as he realizes it'd be the wrong thing to do for the kid – and himself.

   Jensen sits beside Jared in the worker's small yet cozy office, gives her the info she needs on him while the kid hunches forward over the desk, resigned as he fills out his portion of the intake forms.

   Paperwork taken care of, the woman politely offers them a moment alone to say their goodbyes. All her words and actions have indicated is she believes Jensen to be a nice guy doing the right thing. Head downcast, the glance she shoots him from beneath hooded lashes says she knows he's more than that to Jared.

   She's not out of the room a minute when tears begin cascading down the kid's face, broken hiccup of words threatening to break Jensen's resolve. "Wh...why can...can't I stay wi...with you? Ple...please, Jensen."

   Fuck. Eyes quickly shifting to the worker's desk, Jensen spots a blank notepad and a pen. Grabbing them, he scribbles down his cell number...and his address. Tearing off the paper he steps forward until he's chest-to-chest with Jared, hands coming up to frame the kid’s face in his hands. Thumbs brushing away a few of the tears as he fights to hold back his own, Jensen leans down and kisses him gently, a nearly chaste press of lips.

   "You need time. Time to make your own choices, to live your own life." Jensen pushes the slip of paper into Jared's hand. "You turn eighteen, you still feel the same? You let me know." Jensen doesn't give the kid a chance to reply, turning and rushing from the room.

 

 

 

**Two and a Half Years Later... ... ...**

 

   Jensen recognizes the kid he never stopped thinking about the moment he sees him. Jared, in the flesh, sitting on the stoop outside his apartment door.

   The kid – older, but yes, still just a floppy-haired teenager – stands up when he spots Jensen...and up, and up. Jensen knew he'd grow big. He watches Jared for a moment, the kid standing there looking nervous, scared even, eyes skittering back and forth between Jensen and an unremarkable juniper bush as his hands fidget at his sides. Sparing him any further distress or anxiety over whether he's welcome or not, Jensen strides forward and doesn't stop until he's pressed up against Jared and pulling him into his arms.

   Voicing his earlier thought, Jensen mutters into the kid's ear, "You got big." and it's _I missed you; Never stopped thinking about you; So fucking glad you're here;_ all rolled into one.

   Jared seems to get it, hugging back with a fierce tightness before whispering, "I missed you too." against Jensen's neck.

   When Jensen finally pulls back, hands sliding from Jared's slender waist and gripping shaking hands in his, the kid's dimpled smile gives him a rush – heart thudding hard in his chest and a strange swooping in his belly. "What're you-"

   "Turned eighteen last week," the kid's smile wavers a touch, hint of shyness ebbing in, "and you said..."

   Jensen watches Jared shrug, developed muscles (though yet to reach their destined potential) flexing beneath his fitted, gray t-shirt. "I...I know, I remember. And I, I meant it. Just never thought... Might've hoped sometimes but, well." It's Jensen's turn to shrug. "Figured that mind of yours would open up doors to you, take you places."

   The kid's smile brightness again. "It...kinda did. Graduated early last year, then interned through a mentor program the center got me into. I... Ended up with a private scholarship – full ride to Cornell. Architecture."

   "Jared! That's fantas-"

   "But I'd rather be with you."

   Jensen feels his world knocked off its axis, six simple words stealing his breath and dampening his swelling sense of pride to make room for the shock of Jared's words.

   He staggers backwards a step or two, gentle breeze cooling the sudden trickles of sweat down his neck and feeling as though it could blow him over. Jared's reaching out to him and Jensen shakes his head. "You...you can't..." Grounding himself, he goes on, a fierce conviction in his words, "No way in _hell_ you're giving up a chance like that! Seriously, kid, not as smart as those ivy leaguers think if for one second you believe I'd let you do that."

   Jared steps forward, encroaches on the barely there space between them. "Then don't make me choose, come with me."

   Jensen's eyes fall shut, tongue flicking out over his lips and it's like he can taste the sweetness of what Jared's offering – the air thick with promise. Sighing, he slowly opens his eyes to meet the kid's determined gaze. "It was barely three days over two years ago, Jared. You were only a kid, still are, dammit. Hell, I'm an old man compared to you. Got your whole life ahead of you, meeting people your own age at college. Looks, brains, you'll have guys-"

   Jared cuts him off with the crash of his lips, a bruising, possessive press before he's licking his way into Jensen's mouth like he's got something to prove. Apparently he does...and point totally taken. Jensen pulls back, slightly dazed and breathless as he smacks his lips together. "So, New York, huh? I'll see about a transfer tomorrow."

 

x~X~x _**Desperado**_ x~X~x


End file.
